An understanding, a noticing, and a question
This week I’ve been a little out of sorts. Things have kept me from my routine and the touchstones that keep life humming along for me. I found myself in a low mood – frustrated, worried etc.
Who or what is to blame? Let me make you a list….
The abandoned puppy that I found and haven’t been able to find a home for yet.
Difficulty lining up holiday travel schedules and disappointing loved ones as a result.
Witnessing my mother’s health declining in ways that are becoming more obvious.
And I could go on…. (we all could).
But if all these things are causing me stress, then how come some days…
I feel like no matter what the new puppy does, it’s all adorable?
I can have open and loving conversations about what the holidays will look like this year even though there isn’t a solution that will make everyone happy?
I’m grateful to be able to chat and laugh with my mom on video every day even though her condition hasn’t changed?
How can it be that one day I’m stressed, and the next I’m not? One day I don’t feel equipped to deal well with things, and the next it’s a breeze?
The circumstances have not changed. How can I feel so differently about them day to day, sometimes hour to hour? What gives?
THE UNDERSTANDING
Here is an understanding that has been helpful for me:
We do not experience our circumstances directly. We only experience our thinking about our circumstances. We live in our thinking about our circumstances.
In other words, we have a lot of thinking. About everything, everyone, the past, the future. Our thinking gives us our experience of good or bad, stressful, or easy.
THE NOTICING
Now when I feel stressed, worried or generally not my best, I don’t have to take it so seriously. I don’t look outside for the cause nor the solution. I’m able to see that I’m just lost in muddy and unhelpful thinking.
I notice and say to myself “wow, you’re having a lot of thinking.” Things lighten a little bit. I zoom out, get some space.
THE QUESTION
From there, I ask a question that starts moving me forward again. “What would be helpful right now?” I let it go – and answers start to appear. The answers are not often profound, but they are a step in the right direction. Take a nap, go for a run, send the email, don’t send the email etc etc etc.
Try it out this week — the understanding, the noticing, and the question — see how it goes. Do you find some space? Do answers show up? What do the answers feel like? Do you trust them?